Back In My World

Every Day I Lose A Little More Sanity.
I Miss Being Your Sister; The Person You Told Everything To.
I Miss The Friendship We Used To Have.
You Meant More To Me Than Anyone, And Now It's Like You're Not Even There.
I Thought You Said That No Matter What You Would Always Be There For Me And By My Side, But Now You Don't See Me In Your Eyes.
I'm Starving With This Empty Feeling Trying To Live Without You, But Every Day Something Comes Along That Just Makes Me Miss You A Little More.
I'm Trying To Be Strong But I'm Not Sure I Can.
Strength Is Important, But I've Lost Half Of Mine, So I've Gone A Little Limp In The Knees.
I'm Struggling, Shaking Down This Path.
I Want You By My Side, But I Don't Know If It'll Last.

You

You; your eyes shoot through mine like a shotgun bullet.
You; your smile speaks a thousand words.
You; your lips are candy to my mouth.
You; you're perfect.

Me; my eyes are broken and shattered.
Me; my smile's just a crack in a shell.
Me; my lips are chapped.
Me; i'm useless.

Why; why do you want me?
Why; why did you chose me?
Why; why do you love me?

Let The Night Rise...

Sometimes at night when all I have left is to think about is you I regret what I did.
My emotions are spinning in my head as I try to think about what my next move will be.
I'm tired of shame and guilt.
Maybe I'm just being dramatic but I just wanna hold you. 
I want you to know that you are my best friend. 
I've never felt so safe telling someone about my life. I know everything's safe when I'm talking to you.
You accept me for everything I do, even when I think you wont. You keep me up when I'm on my knees about to fall flat on my face.You tell me the truth even when I don't wanna hear it. 
You love me after all I've put you through.
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
That's the end of my night thoughts...<|3

I Know Sometimes It's Gonna Rain

I've got writers block right about now because I can't quite grasp what it is that I want to write about. Maybe if I just ramble on for a while I'll get where I'm going. I wish I could make everyone happy. With every one thing I do someone's upset about it and someone's extremely happy about it. I'll do things that make one person happy, yet they make the other upset with me. Some people more than others I try to satisfy with my life decisions, but it just gets me in a rut. What about me, though? Does it matter what I want? Maybe I need to focus on the things I want and not what everyone else wants me to want. When I broke up with my boyfriend it was for me. Not anyone else. Me. I guess I'm happy with my decision, but there's this piece of me that crushes every time I think about him hurting. He can say he's fine all he wants but I know him better than that. He's so amazing I don't want him to be in pain; especially because of me. I'd take it all away if I could but there's only one way I can do that, and I'm not ready for that. Anyways, I guess I'm done going on with whatever I just went on with. Until next time...PEACE <3

Temptation Kills

Alright, no matter who you are you've been tempted at one time or another.
Whether is was sex, drugs, alcohol, anything. You've been tempted.
Lately everything in my life has been about temptation. I've fallen off the right track, broken up with my boyfriend...everything's gone haywire and i'm not quite sure that many people are realizing this is what's the matter with me. Quite frankly, though...maybe I don't want to be on the right track. Life's a lot funner like this. I can do/say whatever I want without a soul telling me otherwise. The only people stopping me from going COMPLETELY insane? My parents. I don't get out of my house much. Homeschool sucks. Anyways, I guess what they don't know is that temptation could be a lot closer than they think. ;)

Past Turns Into Present

You Fall Away From Your Past

Some things you just want to forget. You don't want to deal with them or talk about them, you just want to leave them alone and pretend they never happened. But some things stick to you.  What happens if something happens that you know you should forget, but you physically and mentally don't have the strength to do so? You just don't want to forget the situation, and you don't wanna take the time.

I had a love. 

Somewhere around last summer was when I began to realize how amazing he was.

About 7 months ago we decided we were going to date and everything was going to be okay.

Unfortunately, two days was all we could get. 

We kissed one day, and then just let it all die.

Everything ended. 

I basically ended. I felt like I was given up on. He didn't want me anymore, and in my head, he would never want me again. He would probably never even talk to me....everything was helpless for me at that point. 

I let him go, though. Do his own thing. Meet new people. Pretend I didn't exist. Sure I wasn't okay with it, but hey, why cause more drama? I had to let it go or else everything would be screwed up worse than it already was.

I never fully forgot about him, but I told myself and everyone else I did so I didn't spend all my time being upset and bothered by the emptiness he left me.

I even found someone new to fall in love with! Now the memories were fading and I was making new ones that weren't causing me pain. I felt like a new person. My life was going fine until...

The person I loved...last summer? I was talking to his friend not too long ago who told me that my old love never got over me. He was making himself sick over the thought of me. He was in dire pain, and wanted me. Needed me. He tried to find someone else, but no one could completely satisfy the feeling that I gave him. Only I could do this, and I felt terrible. 

I decided it was time for me and him to talk again and get things right. Try to forget about our past and just be friends. Make everything okay.

We met up yesterday.

All the old feelings came back. Not as strong, but they were there. I held his hand. He kissed me. Everything felt like it was where it was supposed to be. I've never felt so on top of the world before. We watched horror movies. We stayed up all night and talked about what had been going on in the past year or so. And then...

He went home. A piece of my heart going with him. I watched the other half of my heart rip out of my chest. I hugged him goodbye and held back my tears for the next two hours until I got home and had time to sit in my room and think about things. Listen to music and unwind. Let the tears fall and my emotions die. Basically listen to myself die. I feel like I'm bleeding.

Now all I can do is spend the next long time feeling alone. Empty. Desperate. 

Until he comes back to save me again. I don't know when I'll see him again, but I do know that the next while until I can pick myself back up is going to be absolute HELL.